Perfectly Imperfect
Imagine: It’s 3 a.m. You’ve been staring at your screen for five hours, overwhelmed by readings and homework assignments. Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.
I’ve always aimed for perfection. It doesn’t matter what; I have to do well in everything. There’s no such thing as mediocre in my mind. I either go all out or I don’t do it at all.
I wasn’t okay with just being average; I wanted to be great. Ever since high school, I’ve overloaded myself with multiple leadership roles. I was the editor in chief of my school’s yearbook and newspaper, and on top of that, I was doing photography every second of the day. It’s the only place I saw my worth. Awards and achievements were my top priority.
I thought this need for control would slowly go away in college. Boy, was I wrong. Instead, it got uncontrollably worse. If my grade on a single homework assignment was less than an A, I would feel sick to my stomach. I thought I was a complete failure.
Don’t even get me started on the dean’s list. During my freshman semester, I had a close call with thyroid cancer. Even though I was hours away from campus getting biopsies, I was only worried about my grades. I did finish that semester with all A’s, but was it really worth sacrificing my mental health? Absolutely not.
This past Christmas break, I started going to therapy. I found out this lifestyle isn’t healthy and stems from my anxiety and ADHD. Breaking this cycle of negative self-talk has probably been the hardest thing for me to unlearn. From my achievement-obsessed brain to yours, here are a few lessons I’m learning about being perfectly imperfect.
Failure doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.
My brain has a funny way of thinking, let me tell you. If I fail one quiz that’s only worth 1% of my grade, a negative, domino-effect thought process begins. I start thinking about how I’m not good enough, will fail this entire class, flunk out of my major, and never get my dream job. Why? I have no idea.
This is completely illogical, and you have to realize that this is your brain playing tricks on you. Just because you miss one homework assignment doesn’t mean you’ll be kicked out of your university. Everything will be okay in the end. I promise.
You are more than your grades and accomplishments.
If you’re like me, this is hard to believe. Either way: IT’S TRUE! Good grades and awards are nice, but it’s not your only quality. When people think of you, they will most likely remember how you made them feel, not how many awards you won. Be kind, love yourself, and realize you are so much more than a test score.
Trying too hard for others hurts yourself.
IMPORTANT! Overworking yourself to get the approval of others around you is detrimental to your health. Not only are you getting taken advantage of, but you’re also putting your needs second. Find a balance between being a hard-worker and knowing when to stop. Please eat some food and drink some water; your work can wait.
Without mistakes and heartaches, you can’t grow.
No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Think of how much you’ve grown from past mistakes. You may be upset about a situation, and that’s okay. It’s hard to see the whole picture. Your pain and emotions are valid, but you also have to remember reality. Everything in your life provides personal growth, and you have to trust the process.
Your mental health should take priority over an assignment.
Sometimes, it’s crucial to prioritize yourself. I used to be up until 5 a.m. trying to complete all of my assignments; I was constantly exhausted. I had to learn to let go. Not everything has to be done in a day, and my basic needs should come first. If you’re like me, maybe you just need a good hour of Guitar Hero (yes, I still play) and coffee.
Remember: this is a process, not an easy fix. I have to constantly remind myself of these points daily, but it is getting easier. If you need extra help like I did, you can always contact Auburn’s Student Counseling & Psychological Services. Keep being perfectly imperfect; I’m rooting for you.
Be well, Auburn.
Photography: Abbey C. and Zoe L.
Copy Editor
Born and raised in Huntsville, Alabama, Abbey is an icee and horror movie addict just trying to major in visual journalism. She loves music, photography, and possibly every type of dog that exists. When she isn’t at work or class, you can find her binge watching The Office, eating Mexican food, laughing at her own jokes, or at a local trivia night.
If Abbey is ever up before nine in the morning, she didn’t fall asleep the night before. Her favorite ways to stay active are playing volleyball, running away from her problems, and walking The Rec’s track with her friends. Her dream is to become a photographer and writer for a major magazine or newspaper.
