How to Lose a Workout Partner in 10 Days
Is your workout partner getting on your nerves? Is he or she just not the best fit? We get it. Breaking up with your gym partner is never easy.
But what if you don’t have to do the breaking up? What if you could swerve this burden to the other person? If Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey taught us anything, it’s that you can do exactly that in as little as 10 days.
Day 1: Get to the gym 30 minutes early, and continually ask your partner where they are.
Make sure your partner knows just how dedicated you are. Don’t outright tell them that they aren’t, but definitely imply it.
Day 2: Spend the entire workout chatting.
Talk loudly, drawing unwanted attention to both of you. Don’t stop talking, even when getting reps in. Nothing you talk about should be relevant to your workout whatsoever.
Day 3: Harass your partner about working out all day.
Your partner’s phone should be blowing up. They need to know just how excited you are about this.
Day 4: Complain. Complain. And complain some more.
You’re not feeling the workout, and you need to make it clear. Groaning loudly on several occasions is a must. Bonus points if you lie dramatically on the floor.
Day 5: Don’t clean your machine before your partner uses it.
It doesn’t matter how sweaty you are. You’re not a maid. Why should you have to clean the machine anyways?
Day 6: Try to be your partner’s coach.
Your partner’s form isn’t as good as it could be, so you’re just trying to help!! Push them harder than they want to go, and criticize their every wrong move. If you really want to get into it, yell at them, so everyone can hear.
Day 7: Uses your partner’s towel and drink their water.
Don’t ask permission, either. You need to assert your dominance here. Bonus points if you stare them down while doing it.
Day 8: Sing and dance along to every song on your playlist.
This is your time to shine. Once again, all eyes in the gym should be on you.
Day 9: Always add slightly more weight than your partner, just to make a point that you’re the alpha workout partner.
If you have to add 2.5 pounds on both sides just to prove a point, do it. Again, express your dominance.
Day 10: Cancel at the VERY last minute.
You don’t have a valid excuse. You just “forgot” or “didn’t feel like it.” Make it clear that you didn’t have anything better to do, and still chose not to come.
After this, I can pretty much guarantee you will be a free bird at The Rec once again. In fact, your partner might not even make it 10 days.
Be well, Auburn.
Photography by Grace H.