The Nine Stages of Every Workout Explained by Parks and Rec
If you’re like me, working out isn’t just an occurrence — it’s an ordeal.
It requires certain steps, each accompanied by a fair amount of misery. No pain, no gain, unfortunately. The entire experience can be summed up in stages, aptly described by the cast of Parks and Recreation.
Stage 1: Denial
No, you don’t want to work out. No, you are not going to work out. The thought crosses your mind as you know it’s a healthy thing to do, but you quickly try to dismiss it
Stage 2: Guilt
You start to realize you need to get active. You really need to get active. As tempting as it is, you can’t just sit on the couch with a box of Oreos and watch Netflix all day. Well, you’ll just go to the gym tomorrow. Oh wait, you said that yesterday.
Stage 3: Acceptance
You realize you actually are going to work out. You’re really going to do this. You feel yourself getting off the sofa and try to ignore the sinking feeling inside as you get ready.
Stage 4: Motivation
You’re at the gym, and you feel ready. You’re about to slay this workout.
Stage 5: Confusion
But it’s time to start, and there are so many options. Should you do aerobics? Should you lift weights? You don’t even know how half of these machines work. You can try and judge their functions by their instructive pictures, but what if you can’t figure it out? The attractive people working out around you will judge you.
Stage 6: Discomfort
You start your workout, and you fully realize why you hesitated earlier. This is hard.
Stage 7: Dying
It’s official. You’re really in pain. This is too much. But you’re only halfway through a reasonable workout. To maintain your pride, you’ll have to persevere.
Stage 8: Death
You’re heaving. You can’t continue. This is the end. But hey, you made it!
Stage 9: Accomplishment
You did it. You really did it. Did you struggle? Absolutely. But that makes the finish that much sweeter. You’re proud of yourself. And you should be.
Be well, Auburn.